Night before...something

Thought this would fit given the season, I wanted one of an Atheist bent (since I'm an atheist), but while there's a few atheist "night before christmas" versions out there, almost all are really nasty towards anyone who isn't an atheist...so, in the interest of inter-religious relations, I found and chose this wonderful little ditty...similar idea but it appeals to my little Lovecraft kick

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'Twas the Call of Cthulhu, all the stars were right
Every artist was stirring was odd dreams all night
Elder signs were hung at Miskatonic U
In hopes it would save them from Great Cthulhu

The Deep Ones were gathered on the ocean beds
While dreaming of feasting on raw human heads
Our schooner on the South Seas, on her maiden cruise
Had just battened down for a long drunken snooze

When out on the sea the waves started to splatter
I jumped from my bunk to see what was the matter
Away to the porthole I tripped and I fell
I jumped up and looked out and cursed "What the hell!"

The moon on the beach as a new island rose
Gave more light than I wanted; I looked and I froze
When what to my gibbering sight should appear
But an old eldritch city with angles so queer

With a mountain of blubber, green viscuous slime-goo
I knew by some instinct it was Cthulhu!
More rapid than serpents his tentacles came
And we heard in our heads as he called out some names

"Now Wilbur!  Young Whately!  Lavinia!  Yog-Sothoth!
Come minions from Innsmouth and Fungi from Yuggoth!
From Mountains of Madness to this humble blue ball
Now slash away, crash away, smash away all!"

As dry leaves before the wild hurricane fly
My crew beat a rapid retreat and so did I
Then out of his prison called Great Cthulhu
With plans for all of us that we somehow all knew

And then in a twinkling I saw mankind's fate
All dancing and bowing on his dinner plate
As I ducked down my head and was turning around
From the mongrel ship's engineer came an odd sound

He walked up to a star hanging on this big door
But the angles were all wrong, it might have been floor
A matter of seconds, he ripped off the seal
He had done it so quickly I had no time to squeal

My eyes, how they gibbered!  My screaming, so eerie!
Great Cthulhu was loose, what could be more scary?
His bright angry eyes, all his tentacles loose
My first mate disappeared down an angle obtuse

The rest of the crew made it back to the boat
Cthulhu, he followed us as we set afloat
He had great bat wings, the head of a squid
I can't even describe the next few things he did!

He was chubby and plump, head big as a villa
And I knew when I saw him, he'd eat Godzilla
A wink of an eye and a twitch of his head
Grabbed him twelve crewman, all better off dead

He spoke not a word but came straight on fast
And ate all the others and left me for last
Him chewing his dinner, I reversed my ship
And crying a curse rammed his gigantic hip

He burst into a fog and his island went down
But he reformed again before I could turn around
Then I heard him exclaim as he sank out of sight
"This ain't the last time all the stars will be right!"
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You can find all sorts of great ones on

www.alchemistmatt.com/twas/twa…

Though some are kind of...er...messed up. Newsgroups aren't around really anymore (well, they are, but they tend to be so buried in spam that the groups are all but useless now), but I have fond memories of being on them, I used to frequent the alt.religion forums a lot years back, good conversation.  Sadly the September that never ended kind of heralded the downfall of the whole thing, it wasn't the end, there was good conversation up to nearly '98 or so, but it gradually faded away.  Besides, I must admit, the "alt.sexuality.spanking" night before christmas is pretty hysterical...

Merry Christmas everyone, hope it goes as well as it can for ya.