So my friend came by yesterday (I’m at work right now), talked to me about how things had ended with her current beau. I’ve never met him (being her..ex…sorta…current…er..whichever), but he seems nice enough, he’s been through quite a period though, won’t go into detail as it’s sort of personal, and even though this guy is sort of a “nemesis” so to speak in regards to the affections of this girl, I still hold no real malice for him. Guy apparently had a very, unsympathetic family we’ll say…abusive’s a subjective term, so we’ll leave it at that. However, he ended up effectively alienating himself, becoming by and large a misanthropist. He lived for years isolated from society with only his dog.

This is pretty classic for “La Luna” (in case you haven’t noticed yet, that’s a bit of a nickname), such isolation would lead, inevitably, to extreme behaviour…and it did, it was amazing how much of it I could see clearly. For example, one of the core reasons for the breakup was that, when not actively together, he simply didn’t acknowledge her, they never talked on the phone, online, when not actively with each other they were distant. That would fit perfectly for someone who’s been in that isolationist mindset for a long period, to them, such absence would simply seem normal.

He’s also extremely anxious, to the point where he has a serious anxiety disorder. During Luna’s graduation he wound up having a panic attack and leaving. And I understand the mindset, that’s understandable…but its behaviour, this isn’t premature ejaculation we’re talking about here. The panic attack fills it’s role, it’s an explanation for such behaviour…it tells me “this is why this man did this to this girl”…it does NOT however excuse his behaviour, a grad/prom is among the most important things a person, girls in particular, can ever experience in their university life (or high school life for that matter), I’d have to be vomiting u copious amounts of pus and blood before I’d even CONSIDER bailing on a girl for that, I’d need to be dying.

Anyway, I don’t want to go off on this guy, he’s done things I disagree with, but I can understand why, the causes for his behaviours…I think that’s a large part of why Luna was so attracted to him, she tends to seek uniqueness…and such isolation, to BE that emotionally distraught is part and parcel with eccentric, odd behaviour…it automatically puts a person on the edge of a cliff so to speak…makes it so each movement they make either has to be an extreme means to protect themselves from falling, or a near slip. It makes all action, all behavour VITAL…it forces it to burn away unnecessary, contemplative aspects of the self and to live in a sort of fire. Beautiful, but bright, and short lived…and horrifically dangerous.

So I’m sort of in limbo, this girl wants to step back from things for a bit, makes sense…and fuck it, I’ve bee waiting long enough it’s not like this will break me. She actually did tell me she would be willing, if we decide to work towards a relationship again, to perhaps see someone about basic coping strategies (would that be couples counseling I guess? sounds seedy…lol) but honestly, I couldn’t have been happier…that simple statement of, “I’m willing to put this work in”, implies more to me than I think she recognized…it told me that, not only am I important to her, but she, HER is willing to put very real, measured, definite work into making a relationship work with me. And work is an absolute necessity…without it a relationship has failed before it began. So I’m sort of in an odd mood...I’m happy in terms of her being free from these past entanglements…I feel bad about this guy of course, but the truth of the matter is…he’s not my responsibility…IF (big if) he gets serious counseling, from a full out psychologist I truly wish him the best (well, I wish him the best regardless, but without treatment the simple truth is he’ll never be better)…so yeah, I’m in this conflicted area….I’m ecstatic, happy…but I feel bad about being happy…does that make me screwed up? Either way, hope all’s well with all of you…just needed to blow this off somewhere